As I was driving to Colorado with my sister she said something that made me think.  She said that the time that we lived together was the best time of her life  (other then her daughter being born).  She said that she felt free, independent.  That although it was hard it was amazing. As she said that I realized that I had felt the same way.  When Jess and I moved in I had begun a stage in my life that would inevitably lead to my love affair with Jon.  I was, for the first time, truly independent.

    Before Jess and I had moved in together I had always lived with my best friends.  I found my identity in my friendships.  My friends and I were alike in every way but one.  I was a Christian and they were not.  This lead to a disconnection between me and God.  Eventually I had to disconnect from them.  When I moved in with my sister I became independent of my friends.  I found out who I was without them.  It was the most independent that I had ever been. It was great.  That was when I met Jon.

    It seemed like the perfect time to meet him. I really did not want a boyfriend but he was too good to pass up.  He was everything that I was looking for.  I think that because I was in such a good place at that time in my life I was able to let him in fully.  I think that because of that "perfect" time of my life I was able to fall in love.

    I love Jon so much but when we meet my life changed.  I became less independent.  I had another person to consider every time I made a decision.  The loss of my independence has been the hardest part of my marriage for me.  I think that it is because a part of me does not want to let it go.  I have been known to be stubborn but I am learning how to compromise.  Although it is hard sometimes I do have to say that being with Jon has made me happier then I have ever been.  I am just worried about how our adjustment will be.   Nine weeks is a long time to be independent from your spouse.